How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize