I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
