how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
