Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize