I must be too annoying 4 u.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
