I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
