i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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