we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
