somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize