im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
