I met the friendliest cop last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no you cant smoke seaweed
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize