My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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