maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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