just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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