Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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