Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
