so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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