oh god the rape fog is back!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
