WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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