Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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