it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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