what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
