You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
