Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
