i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
