Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
