I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
