just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
