It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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