He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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