New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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