remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
