I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
