I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
