You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
