Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
