wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
