I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
