i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
