Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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