I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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