There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
