we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
