So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
