Porn is love you can see.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
