Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
