he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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