is your mom at the bar?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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