so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
