last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
are you so shy because you have an std?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
