Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
