I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
