So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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