I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
