My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
