he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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