i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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