Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize