Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
