Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
