They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize