what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
