He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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