Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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