You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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