this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
