It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
