no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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