New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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