I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
