Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
