if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
