i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
