We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
