Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
