She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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