What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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