Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
