Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
