a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
