Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
