Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize