Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
